Names We Almost Had
When we were painting the bedroom, the conversation wandered into all kinds of strange territory—those topics you only seem to get to when you’re elbow-deep in paint and laughing together. One of the things we started talking about was the names our parents nearly gave us. It was such a fun, nostalgic detour that I wanted to jot it down and share a few of the funniest near-misses.
For starters, my mom almost named me Gina. Can you imagine that? John and Gina. Just saying it out loud felt like it should come with a laugh track. The idea of us introducing ourselves as John and Gina had us cracking up—simple, familiar, and kind of charming in a retro way.
But John’s dad’s suggestions took things to a whole other level. He reportedly wanted to name John “Lars.” Yep—Lars. The thought of hearing someone introduce him at work as “That’s Lars Petersik, he’s an account manager” felt utterly hysterical to me. I pictured myself meeting him for the first time and over-enunciating his name in that overly polite, slightly theatrical way people use when they’re trying to be friendly but also a little incredulous: “Ni-ice to mee-eet you, Laaars.” The image was so vivid I couldn’t stop laughing. It was the kind of mental scene that makes ordinary moments suddenly absurd and memorable.
Lars Petersik.
If that weren’t enough, there was another suggestion from John’s dad that made us nearly lose it: he also considered the name “Vector.” Apparently he liked math. Vector. It’s hard to think of a more delightfully unexpected name for a person—not in a sci-fi or comic-book way, but as a sincere choice inspired by a love of mathematics. The image of a tiny toddler called Vector running around with blocks and a calculator had us in stitches. Somehow, between brushstrokes and trimming the edges, we both kept laughing until tears were streaming down our faces.
These almost-names got us thinking about how families choose names and how strange, sweet, or downright hilarious some of those choices can be. Names reflect tastes, influences, hobbies, and sometimes a sense of humor. A parent who loves literature might lean toward classic names; one who loves science or math might pick something more unusual or thematic. And in other cases, a name ends up on the list because it made someone smile in that particular moment, even if it never actually makes it onto the birth certificate.
There’s something affectionate about hearing the “what-ifs” of naming. They’re tiny alternate realities that give us a glimpse of who we might have been—Gina instead of me, Lars instead of John, or Vector zipped into the headlines of family stories forever. The best part is how these stories become part of the relationship: a piece of shared history you can tease each other about, a memory that gets pulled out and retold at gatherings, or a silly anecdote that makes someone laugh on an ordinary Tuesday night.
So now I’m curious: what name did your parents almost give you? Was it ordinary, elegant, or completely out of left field? Share your story—funny naming anecdotes, near-misses, and family explanations are all fair game. Naming stories are a wonderful little window into family personality and imagination, and I’d love to hear the ones that top Lars and Vector.
Whether your almost-name was classic or bizarre, the stories behind them are always entertaining—and sometimes, they explain a lot about the people who suggested them.