Q: Please, please tell me, you darling darlings, that you disagree on decor once in a while. Please. My hubby to be is lovely & supportive but not terribly interested in design and remodeling (he’s a grad student right now, mostly he is interested in sleep/school). However, he doesn’t like what I pick out most of the time! It drives me BATTY! If you are feeling up to it, do you think you could maybe blog about times when you didn’t see eye to eye? Any tips on how to compromise in these design situations? I’d really appreciate it! Thanks for a lovely blog, you do an amazing job! -Summer
A: With all the decorating projects that Sherry and I take on, you’ll be relieved to know that we don’t always agree. Marriage doesn’t guarantee harmony on every decision, especially when it comes to decorating.
Over time we developed a system to resolve design disagreements: we don’t spend money or lift a paintbrush until we’re both on board. If we start out on different pages, there’s usually some convincing, compromise, and negotiation involved. That process has taught us how to present ideas and how to listen.
Most often it’s Sherry doing the persuading. I tend to fall into some classic husband stereotypes: resistant to change, hesitant to spend on decor, or simply too distracted by work and life to give a project my full attention. Over the years she’s tried a number of tactics—some of which worked on me—to get reluctant partners on board. Here are several approaches that can help you win over a spouse who’s cautious about design changes.
1. The Passionate Pitch: Present your idea with enthusiasm and clarity. Use photos, sketches, or mood boards to make the concept concrete—visuals can help someone feel more comfortable because they remove ambiguity. Explain how the change will benefit both of you (comfier seating for game nights, a cozy spot to relax after work) and express why his support matters to you. PRO: If you sell it well, he may respond with trust and willingness. CON: If the project appears large or costly, it may intimidate him.
For instance, Sherry convinced me to ditch typical dining chairs in favor of a padded bench by showing an inspiration photo and emphasizing that our version would be more casual and budget-friendly. Knowing the bench would come from a familiar, affordable retailer made the idea easier to accept.
2. The Baby Step: If big projects overwhelm your partner, approach the transformation piece by piece. Start with smaller items—a throw pillow, a lamp, a rug—and gradually build the room you envision. PRO: Incremental changes feel less risky, and before he knows it the room is transformed. CON: He may miss the chance to influence the overall plan, and some collaborative debate could have improved the result.
3. The Multiple Choice: Instead of asking your partner to browse endless options, narrow the field to two or three curated choices and ask him to pick. PRO: It gets him involved and pushes him to choose without derailing your vision. CON: It takes extra prep work to find multiple options you can live with.
4. The Give and Take: Trade concessions when you meet resistance. If you want him to sign off on a new sofa, offer to allow a tech splurge he’s been wanting. PRO: You can reach a quick agreement and reduce the chance of second-guessing. CON: It requires compromise and sometimes extra spending.
5. The Exit Strategy: Occasionally, asking for forgiveness rather than permission works—just be prepared to undo changes he truly hates. Keep receipts and have a plan to revert paint colors or return items if necessary. PRO: A successful surprise can be hard to argue against. CON: You may need to apologize and make costly or time-consuming reversals for anything irreversible.
Once, after we moved into our house, I came home to find a large wooden divider gone—Sherry had taken a sledgehammer to it while I was at work. I was thrilled with the result, but it could have gone badly if the demo had damaged the floor or revealed other problems. That experience taught us the importance of planning for both the outcome and the possibility of fixing mistakes.
We know many couples tackle decorating together, and compromise is part of the process. What strategies do you use when design tastes differ in your home? Share your tips and tricks—your experience might help someone else find common ground.
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