Ok, so I naïvely thought this day would never come, but I’ve been exposed. I assumed I could make it through adulthood without this resurfacing 13 years later, but the internet is vast and people remember. After more than a few “Who me? I don’t know what you’re talking about, haha” denials, I’m coming clean. My name is Sherry $herdog, and I was on MTV when I was 17. It was easily the most embarrassingly edited compilation of moments imaginable.
I’m an over-sharer, so some readers might wonder why I’d try to hide this video. To those people I’d say: it’s one thing to invite others into your home and unintentionally show a bra on a bedroom chair, narrate a nervous interview, or admit you walk around covered in dog fur and cream cheese. It’s another to present a time capsule of your most awkward moments as a seventeen-year-old: lifeguarding one minute, being surprised the next, then told you’ll interview Eminem for a show called FANatic on MTV — and having the whole thing preserved on video for anyone to watch. I still giggle uncontrollably when I’m nervous, by the way. Ten minutes of that is guaranteed.
Let me share a few behind-the-scenes truths: shows like this are somewhat staged. That isn’t to say I wasn’t legitimately obsessed with Marshall Mathers — I absolutely was — but certain lines and anecdotes were encouraged so contestants come across as the most deserving fans. For example, I was prompted to say things like “I aspire to be a rapper someday.” Pause and snort whatever you’re drinking if you must. My best friend Mariam and I once wore orange puffy vests and belly shirts to parody Eminem and Dre at a high school talent show, which was a Jersey thing and not a serious career plan. So no, I didn’t actually expect to be touring the country as a famous female rapper.
Of course the show orchestrated some moments, like taking us to the old burger joint where Eminem once worked…
…but as a teenager it felt thrilling to stand in a regular restaurant and think “he really worked here not long ago?” Fun fact: the people I’m serving in that scene are actually the limo driver and a production crew member who were helping with our transport.
Another detail: I hardly knew the girl who surprised me at the pool and accompanied me on the whole trip. MTV required that any friend brought on camera be 18, otherwise a parent had to accompany both the fan and the friend. When I first went through the finalist stage, the producers asked who I would bring; I listed a few 17-year-old friends, but they strongly suggested someone over 18. The woman who worked at the Marriott front desk, where I’d lifeguarded for years, ended up being the “friend” they chose. Still, being in a limo at 17 felt amazing — peace sign and rolled sleeves mandatory.
Now for the truly mortifying part. During the interview the word “phat” slipped out of my mouth. I had never used that word before and never have since. I can only blame sheer panic at the idea of sitting next to a hip-hop star and trying to sound “in.” It echoed in my head through the remainder of the interview as I grinned like a lunatic and laughed nervously. Much of this is what I call “retroactive embarrassment”: at the moment it felt amazing and surreal, but realizing I said “phat” on national television made me want to punch myself.
They also pressured me to rap. Repeatedly. It was awful. As for the pigtails: I originally wanted a ponytail and an armband. The crew gently suggested pigtails and nixed the armband. I’m grateful they spared me the armband, though the pigtails still make me cringe. So without further ado…
How did I get chosen? My friends dared me to send in a tape because I was such a hardcore fan. I genuinely believed I had no chance, which is why I did things I thought would never air on TV — like sitting in a tub full of M&M’s — assuming they’d never pick me.
MTV used a trick that felt cruel at the time to capture a genuine surprise reaction. They kept in contact for a while to collect details like what I’d ask if chosen and who I’d bring, then told me I was a semi-finalist but left me in total radio silence for weeks. That whiplash — from hopeful to convinced I’d been passed over — made the eventual surprise feel even more shocking. As a 17-year-old imagining being flown to Detroit to meet Eminem, the emotional roller coaster was intense.
In retrospect the M&M tub and similar antics sound less mortifying in the moment and more like the coolest thing I’d ever done, but years later it’s the sort of footage you cringe at. Still, the whole experience was incredible: I flew with a camera crew without my parents, stayed in a great hotel, and found Marshall (Eminem) to be kind and genuine. Oddly specific confession: he had the nicest hands I’d ever seen. He even kissed my neck, which at the time made me irrationally certain we’d marry and name our children Slim, Shady, and Stan — kidding, of course. I literally took a picture of my neck afterward. I’m that person.
I’m grateful for the experience. It was unforgettable and even made the morning announcements at my high school. That said, I never imagined footage from a defunct show from over 13 years ago would land on YouTube and resurface my teenage awkwardness. But I guess the secret is out: the cat phat is out of the bag.
Your turn — tell me your most embarrassing secrets so we’re even. Go.