The Real $herdog: a house log

One of my go-to things about blogging is keeping it real. Even around the new year when the whole “be the ideal person/wife/family” voices can kick in, I try to fight the good fight and remember that authentic = excellent. And ideal = most likely impossible. So if our house is a mess I will make a video to prove it (without even putting my bra away first). If we do not know how the heck to tackle a project, we will admit it (like this). If we fail miserably at an undertaking, we will journal alllll about it (like this and this, simply to name a few).

We in fact enjoy being a Hands-on diary that is literally about the good, the bad, and the ugly – because a journal that is only about the good kind of feels like it is only telling half of the story. We are simply regular folks attempting to do regular Hands-on things with a real-person budget while learning as we go. We do not have any formal training. Five years ago we painted all of our trim the wrong finish, did not own a power drill, and our house looked like this:

When we began this journal we were literally Hands-on beginners, simply trying to figure out how to hang curtains and get a good deal on appliances. And although we have slowly gained some hands-on experience over the last 4+ years of this blogging thing, I thought I’d start the year (January 17th is still sort of the beginning of the year, right?) by saying a bunch of things out loud to the internet at large that might surprise you. Or perhaps not if you truly know me.

#1. I do not have the ideal marriage. It is remarkable how many people ask if John and I ever fight. Is it possible to be married to someone for nearly five years and not fight? Dude, we fight like the best of them! Not loudly in front of Clara, but we certainly can get into it. We are individuals. Individuals who enjoy each other, but we certainly each have conviction and strong willed tendencies (hello, I am Italian and from New Jersey). And those convictions and strong willed tendencies can certainly lead to heated discussions, adamant disagreements, and full blown arguments (about anything from a parenting decision to a home improvement snafu). We are a fairly normal couple I think. We enjoy each other like crazy, but sometimes in the stress of renovating or raising a toddler the moment gets the best of us and we snap. But when we do, we try to remind ourselves that we are in this together. We both have the same goals (a healthy and well adjusted daughter, and striking and safe home, to make each other glad, etc). We are a team. A sometimes dysfunctional or crabby team, but a team none the less.

#2. I do not have the ideal child. Sure, there are remarkable things about Clara, like how good of a night sleeper she is and how much she loves singing and dancing (and eating funny things like hummus and pickles). But as anyone else who has a 20 month old kid can attest – they are not all sunshine and roses. Clara cries, teethes, gets mad, throws food, rips magazines, has tantrums, and does all those other things that toddlers do. So yeah, I deal with the same “oh man, she’s sick” or “ack, she’s screaming” or “ohemgee she simply threw up an whole pumpkin muffin all over the car seat” issues that every other mom deals with. And let us not talk about my labor (scariest day of my life) or the 14 months of breastfeeding (I enjoyed it, but I’d be lying if I did not say that it took work, energy, and dedication – especially when I was painting and DIYing between those feedings). It is a good thing she’s totally worth it. I enjoy that bean to pieces. She’s not ideal, but she’s ideal for us.

#3. I make design mistakes (and life mistakes) – all the time! Our rooms and our lives are in a constant state of flux (our first house took us 4.5 years to finish, and we have only been here a little over a year) – so sometimes we are still feeling around in the dark and we make the wrong call. And later we see the light and say “umm, what were we thinking?!” and course correct. I think the key to recovering from mistakes in general (decor-related or otherwise) is not to be married to that mistake. And to attempt to right your wrong. Say you buy the wrong sized rug but do not realize it for a while (like we did in our living room). Once time passed and we figured out what could be improved, we chose to reuse the old one in another room (or craigslist it) and save our pennies to upgrade it. That approach helped us (and the room) move forward. If we ever become frozen in fear of a mistake that we have made (or the fear that we will make one) that is when a room stagnates. We’d never get past decorating mistakes (or life mistakes) if we did not learn/adapt/evolve along the way. Our goal is for our house (and ourselves) to consistently be changing and growing. No freezing in place allowed. Because you typically cannot get around a life obstacle or a Hands-on debacle if you are simply stuck there standing still.

#4. I am awkward and likely less cute, stylish, or “put together” than you think. I have paint in my hair and under my nails 24/7 (well, this week it is grout). My shirts are all stretched out from breastfeeding (yup, still have not replaced those). I am covered in dog fur and/or accidentally sporting some smear of jelly/cream cheese/humus five days out of seven. Seriously. Someone chime in here who has met us. We get comments like “I’d freak out and embarrass myself if I ever met you” but I have got you covered. I will not even notice you freaking out over my intense weirdness. Once I spun around at Target and screamed “Chiiiiiistmas stuff is already out!!!” while holding two wooden trees up to my face like Cindy Lou Who to John. But it was not John. It was this woman I’d never seen before standing there staring at me with a baby in her cart. So I tried to smile and quietly make my way to another aisle and she said “Oh my gosh I enjoy your journal” …. and I nearly died of embarrassment. Not only had I been “that crazy person” in front of a stranger, it was someone who “knows” me. So I stuttered and tried to talk about her cute baby and then John and Clara came to my rescue and I stumbled away while mentally kicking myself in the face. Yup, I am that awkward.

#5. Sometimes I get nervous and insecure about our future. Not gonna lie, being a “small business” (and even more random than that, being a “professional blogger”) is hardly a job with health insurance and a 401K (more on that here and here). We simply try to have faith that we will end up somewhere ok since we never thought we’d be here five years ago… and here we are. Sure it helps that we saved up a simply-in-case cushion (to keep us afloat for 6-9 months) before John left his day job when Clara was born, but I’d be lying if I did not shout “yes – we get nervous and uncertain and insecure about what lies ahead sometimes!”

#6. I roll my eyes at myself. I get it. I truly do. I am fully aware that I am obnoxiously keen. My journal puns frequently make me gag a little. I am the less cool version of that adorkable Zooey Deschanel. You know, without the good hair and the strong voice and the comedic timing. I am her half sister Gooey or something. So although my sunny demeanor might make you want to stick a spork in my eye, know that I am fully aware that I am annoying – and sometimes I try to rein it in – but I typically simply let my freak flag fly. Why? I figure that blogging is all about being yourself and owning it and sharing your life in an authentic way. So I am not reserved and cool and collected and refined. I am hyper and giddy and nutty and weird. And 4+ years later that formula simply works for us. So gosh darn it, I might call presents “prezzies” or make a crack joke. That is simply how $herdog rolls.

#7. My house is typically a disaster. At any given time, our frame wall might look like this…

… but our sunroom likely looks like this…

There is consistently at least one giant pile of something-to-be-sorted somewhere. And do not even get me began on the playroom. That room is out of control.

So I guess the point of all that soul baring is to assure you that I most certainly do not have it all figured out. I am simply a chick from New Jersey who began a journal who sometimes forgets to take her contacts out at night (I know, I am so bad). I am that gal who discovers that I have strawberry cream cheese inexplicably smeared all over the left side of my ear in line at Target. True story. I do not know it all, and I do not have it all, and I am so thankful to be right where I am. Perfection is kinda overrated anyway, right? I am many things, but most of all: I am a work in progress. Kinda like our house.