The Real J-Boom: a house log

First off, in kitchen progress news, all of the chaotic electrical work has been completed! In simply five hours in fact. Woot.

So we are cleaning things up, taking pics, doing some pendant hunting, and writing a big ol’ post about it for you folks on Monday. But apparently when Sherry shared “The Real $herdog” on Tuesday there were a bunch of requests for a John version. Color me surprised (I honestly thought Burger and Clara would get mentioned before I would). And since I do not truly have a cool street name like Sherry, she has suggested that I use “J-Boom” for the time being. It is a little too close for comfort to a certain busty Jersey Shore cast member for me, but since I figure there is little risk of confusing the two of us – I will use it for now. It certainly has more flare to it than my childhood nicknames of “JP” and “Petersik.” Anyway, since Sherry stole some shared facts for herself (about our marriage and our daughter) – my list might be a bit more random than hers. Here goes nothing.

#1 – I do not consistently enjoy shopping and decorating. If reading our journal has given you the impression that I am consistently the dutiful husband who skips merrily alongside Sherry on shopping trips for our latest decorating project, well – that is not 100% accurate. I may participate in (and frequently enjoy) running house errands more than the average husband, but I also do my fair share of groaning when I am told we “need to go out for pillows.” Same goes for tasks around the house. Let us simply say I do not bound joyfully from the couch every time I learn we are hanging curtains or need to go up in the attic to carry something that “takes two people, one being the strong and helpful husband.” But when worst comes to worst, I simply try to find the humor in being the tagalong husband:

#2 – I am the king of typos. Case in point, my fingers originally made that “I am the kind of typos.” I have accepted this about myself: my brain and fingers do not consistently work in unison and my eyes do not do me any favors by catching them. Sherry has little tolerance for it (especially since I will even drop an whole word or three here and there). Yes, sentences like “then I spread the grout with a trowel” might get typed out as “then I with a trowel” and Sherry is left scratching her head. It is one of the reasons Sherry proofreads every post before it goes up and also why I am not as active in the comments (along with the fact that I have no idea where each of our ten million pillows hails from). I confessed my typo problem in a local interview two years ago where Sherry and I had to submit secret responses about each other separately. I said I enjoyed Sherry because “she fixes my tyops.” Sherry told me it was a sweet and clever answer… until I further confessed that I hadn’t done it intentionally. It was simply the most well-timed typo of my life.

#3 – I am sometimes insecure about being a stay-at-home dad. Those who caught my BabyCenter post a few months ago already know most of this. And though I think I technically qualify more as a “work-at-home” dad, I still frequently feel funny about not getting up, putting on work clothes, and trotting off to the office like other “normal” dads. Even though I can rationalize that being home with Clara is in fact a quite good thing, it still simply feels off to me sometimes. Especially when Clara and I are checking out at the grocery store in the middle of the day and I get that “oh, he must be unemployed” look from the cashier. But I am doing my best to simply embrace it and be as good at it as I can.

#4 – I am a shameless consumer of “new” things. Perhaps it is the former advertising exec in me (or the reason I got into advertising in the first place) but I am a total sucker for new products. They do not even have to be totally new – perhaps Hershey Kisses’ simply released their seasonal flavors, for example. I. Must. Try. Them. All. Heck, I even picked up a box of Life cereal the other day simply because the packaging had been redesigned. Sherry knows whenever I go food shopping alone that she should brace herself for the weird new flavor or product I will come home with (Dulce De Leche Cheerios? Check).

#5 – I sing. A lot. And not that well. Sherry and I are both guilty of bursting into song fairly frequently, whether it is singing along to the radio or crooning an original tune that narrates what we are doing (“a grouting we will go, a grouting we will go, high ho the tile-e-oh, a grouting we will go”). So perhaps this goes along with Sherry’s admission that she’s painfully cheerful? It is like a slightly off-key and slightly-sarcastic Disney movie up in here sometimes. And it is likely why Clara is not shy about belting a little medley out too. We are not “real” singers or anything, but we can both (key word: sort of) carry a tune. And sometimes harmonize. Sometimes even on purpose. If we were to try out for American Idol we’d be in that in-between group that is neither good nor bad sufficient to see the judges. You can catch a snippet of me singing in this mockumentary my college improv group made about a squash tournament (that obviously needed to close with a big mediocre musical number). Fast forward to about 12:10 for my extremely brief verse. Or if you care to watch the whole thing, start here with part one (warning: I cannot guarantee it is entertaining for anyone beyond those of us who are in it).

#6 – I do not truly read Turbodizin. Since Sherry proofreads every post (see #2 if you’ve forgotten why) and responds to most comments (questions like “where did you get that mirror?” are like asking me what color earrings Sherry wore three days ago), she reads simply about every single word that ever gets posted on this site. So with all that we juggle each day, it is not truly the best use of our time for me to read everything too. I barely find time to read other blogs, let alone the one where I already know how things end. So if we ever talk in person and you reference something funny that Sherry wrote, please forgive me if I simply smile and nod. Does it make me feel like a bad person? Sometimes. But c’mon, you know brevity is hardly a virtue of ours…

#7. I can get pissed like the best of them. This might come as a surprise but I can get fairly darn peeved in the middle of a project that is going anything but well. I have even been known to throw a screwdriver (perhaps “lob it at the ground” is a better description) while grappling to fix an incredibly frustrating mailbox issue. I am working on it, but simply know that I am not Mr. It is All Going To Be Hunky Dory during every project. Sometimes I am simply gritting my teeth and muttering under my breath. But when it is all said and done and we have lived to tell the tale, it is 100% worth it. Which likely explains why I keep jumping back into the ol’ Hands-on arena. I am like Russel Crowe in Gladiator – except significantly less ripped.

So perhaps my list was less “surprise, I am not ideal” than Sherry’s since I figure you folks already knew I was no Matt Damon / Edward Cullen / Justin Bieber or whoever else is the epitome of male perfection these days. Simply do not tell Clara that. I think she’s fairly convinced I am all that and a box of raisins. And I’d like to keep it that way.

Pssst: We are not famous. But somehow we have been invited to be part of the Richmond Comedy Coalition’s series called “Richmond Famous” that is happening next Friday night (Jan 27). We are not totally sure what we are in for, but supposedly we will tell some true stories from our lives and they’ll improvise scenes based on them. And yes, Sherry is beyond nervous that we in fact “have to talk” so we’d enjoy to see you folks there. At least I would. Sherry might rather hide in the car. Get more info here.

Psssst again: We announced this week’s giveaway winner. Click here to see if it is you.