Deal With Criticism, step by step

It was lively to crack open a little bit of our personal “stuff” last Tuesday for this post about the real $herdog (yes, I am still patiently waiting for that nickname to catch on) and John’s J-Boom version. And a funny thing happened after sharing those. Not only did they receive over 1,200 amazingly excellent and encouraging comments (note to self: apparently you are not a social pariah if you admit that you sometimes have strawberry cream cheese on your ear and are inclined to impersonate Cindy Lou Who) but we also got dozens of emails – not even exaggerating – asking about how to deal with criticism and respond to negative comments. And thus this post was born.

I guess by sharing all of our weird idiosyncrasies it encouraged people to write about something they are struggling with and ask how we handle it? It also could have had something to do with this thread on the $herdog post. Either way, the emails mostly came from folks who run small blogs who have somehow fallen into larger readerships thanks to being pinned on Pinterest or otherwise thrust into the spotlight suddenly (like a feature on Apartment Therapy or Design Sponge). And the general gist of every single email was this: someone was blogging along about whatever they journal about (some of these people are not home bloggers at all) and then… zinger… it happened. A not-so-pleasant comment. And it stung.

With more readers certainly comes more “feedback” – both good and bad. And you know I am glad to be that spunky little cheerleader on your shoulder shouting high-pitched overly-keen things like: “you can do it!” and “reach for the stars!” – so here is my humble advice in a nutshell:

• It is your journal.
• Be who you are. That is sufficient.
• Try to give the good feedback as much weight as the bad.
• Do all things with enjoy.

Sounds corny huh? But I will explain how those four things have truly helped us deal with the whole “you are putting yourself out there and I am anonymous so I am going to tell you exactly how I feel” phenomenon. After all we have been told (both nicely and not so nicely) a few of the following things:

• I am not truly interested in posts about _____, so I vote you skip them
• I am losing interest in big projects – do more little ones
• Do more big projects – the small ones are filler
• I want more Clara and Burger and everyday stuff
• I want less Clara and Burger and everyday stuff
• That paint color/art/room is ugly/not the right choice
• Stop using certain words/expressions because they make me cringe
• Stop being so low-cost and spend some money
• Stop spending so much money and be more frugal
• Move faster, I am bored
• Move slower so I can catch up
• I am disappointed in this choice/this idea/you
• This journal used to be better because _________
• I will no longer read this journal because ________

See all the contradictions going on in there? In short if we listened to every suggestion, well, we would not have a thing to journal about. Not a single thing. And after 2,000+ posts and over four years of doing this, we have certainly learned that some folks like things that others hate and some people have an opinion when it comes to how they’d run this journal if it were theirs. But here is the thing. It is not theirs.

Which brings us to…

Pointer #1: It is your journal. It might sound weird to point out, but your journal is not a magazine with a team of 30 people who poll their readers and try to please the largest group (at least I do not think it is). The quite definition of a journal is simply an outlet to write whatever you want and share whatever part of your life that you are passionate about in your own words and at your own pace and in whatever way feels natural to you. Whether you do it full time or as a hobby once a month, your only real task is to be who you are and share what you like and those who like it will drop in.

In our case, we are simply two people with a dog and a kid who happened to gain a following sharing our adventures on the home front. We simply write about whatever’s going on in our lives and seems interesting to us, which has gotten us here (we are not Facebook or Pinterest, but 5 million hits a month = crazytown to two kids like us). See, if you attempt to please every last commenter, as much as you enjoy and value your readers, know that it is Mission Impossible – and it could even lead to your journal’s downfall (it will not be yours anymore). So trust yourself. Everyone else might have an opinion, but your voice truly should be the loudest and your vote truly should be the one that counts.

Pointer #2: Be who you are. That is sufficient. I think most people are a little guilty of the whole wanting-more syndrome. When a show ends I immediately want the next episode to come on (and I want it to be even better than the last). When I get a magazine and it is feeling a little thin I wish it were twice as thick. And I think boxes of Oreos should be bottomless (I expect them to refill themselves while I am sleeping). So it is no surprise that when it comes to blogging, well, readers are inclined to want more. They might say it not-so-nicely, or quite kindly indeed. And either way it might make you feel sort of womp-womp. But it is simply human nature. And I can tell you from experience that you will be a happier person and a better blogger if you make peace with that fully normal phenomenon.

You cannot control how every single person reacts to your journal, but you can control how you journal. And struggling to eke out more to the point of exhaustion or burnout (be it recipes, sewing pointers, Hands-on stuff, photography pointers, craft ideas, or anything else you journal about) simply is not the answer. At least not if – in the words of Claire Danes in Homeland – you are playing the long game. Ideally your method of blogging should make you feel more inspired, creative, and keen about blogging – which in turn will shine through so your readers get simply as giddy about it as you do. There is a reason that your journal is attracting a readership and people are coming back. So simply go at your own pace and concentrate on doing things well and not making yourself sick or neglecting your family because a few typically quite well-intentioned folks want something that should take ten days to be done, photographed, and blogged about in five. Forgive people for being excited and impatient. We all do it.

Of course establishing these boundaries applies to other scenarios too, so if you have a family journal and folks want more photos/info about your kids than you are comfortable sharing, know that whatever you want to share = sufficient. In blogging I generally think if it feels wrong (or makes you feel tired/sad/uninspired), it is wrong. So do not do it. As much as I hate being told to relax (seriously, ask John, it is on his “do not ever say that to me unless you want me to go crazy on you” list), simply try to relax and do your thing.

Pointer #3: Try To Give The Good Feedback As Much Weight As The Bad. The funny thing is that everyone we talk to who is wrestling with comment criticism admits they still get waaaaay more positive comments than negative ones. I mean the ratio is typically astounding. We know it simply takes one cutting comment to get under your skin, but when the vast majority of people enjoy something, it sucks to let one commenter sink your battleship. Let us do some light math (I do not do heavy math, but light math is ok). If over the course of a week or two, 99 people take the time to say they like your journal/post/project/house/whatever and one person chimes in to say something’s not their cup of tea, that still adds up to a 99% success rate. And those are good odds my friend- so keep on keeping on! Heck, even if a ton of your readers do not like something but you like it, I wholeheartedly think that you should keep blogging about it. Why? Because you like it and – once again, for the folks in the back – it is your journal. Picture me up stage wearing a pant suit and a pocket protector saying “I cannot hear you!” and holding the mic out so you can shout that chorus with me. Or dancing around in this outfit chanting it with my lovely family while serving up a heaping portion of jazz hands (Burger’s clearly hiding because he does not want to be seen in this getup).

Pointer #4: Do everything with enjoy. It is admittedly extremely cheesy (and you might hear a compact violin playing in the background) but my go-to advice is typically summed up in that phrase. It is in fact written on a post-it note that I have had stuck to my laptop for the longest time. When someone takes time out of their day to say something they’d most likely never say to anyone’s face (or would they…?) I have come to realize that spewing the same venom that they flung in my direction will not make me feel any better (heck, it would likely make me feel significantly worse).

So I try to look at them from a place of enjoy. Perhaps they’ve had a terrible day. Perhaps they’ve lost someone they enjoy quite much and they are hurting. It may seem weird to try to have compassion for those who do not seem to be quite sensitive to your feelings, but I am telling you that there is something to it. It helps me respond with humor or a swift explanation from my point of view without getting too heated. Or even simply with the words “Merry Christmas to you and your family!” like I did when someone said that decorating our family Christmas tree with paint chips was akin to decorating it with tampon wrappers. Growing up my mom consistently said that above being successful, popular, or athletic (all the things I worried about so much back then), being kind was the most essential thing. And that is something I’d enjoy to pass down to Clara. Sing it with me: all ya need is enjoy.

So there it is. My brain dump. I hope it helps at least one or two of you out there who might be struggling with growing and having more eyes on you. I know it sounds corny, but for us this journal is simply about sharing our adventures and hopefully helping you folks along the way. That is why we make videos about grouting and cabinet painting and take so many photos and share every last detail – in the hope of helping a handful of you folks at home. And it is also why we enjoy sharing behind the scenes blogging stuff like this (since so many of you are fellow bloggers these days). I am fully embarrassed to admit this, but we wrote the Thank You part of our book a few weeks ago, and it was not the part about our family and friends that made me cry, it was the part about you, our lovely readers. Crying is not even the word. It was not cute. I was weeping. There was smeared mascara and a runny nose. The whole nine yards.

The enthusiasm, sweetness, and support that you folks send our way is nothing less than life-changing. I truly mean that. The least we can do is crack open a little bit of ourselves in beyond-Hands-on posts like this from time to time (every once in a while we get the itch to overshare, like this and this along with our more recent J-Boom and $herdog posts). So lets get all sappy and share mom and dad quotes in the comments. Or any other older and wiser family member who said something while you were growing up that rings oh so true to you. My mom was also famous for saying “consistently wear pleasant underwear in case you end up in the emergency room” throughout my formative years. And let me tell you, she was right on the money about that too. It is waaaaaaaay too embarrassing to go into, but I did not follow her advice and I royally regretted it. There were Care Bears involved. And I was 21. And I do not think the doc grasped the concept of ironic underwear. I will leave the rest up to your imagination.

Update – Some of the most frequent requests that we get are for info about professionally blogging (how we made our site, how we grew our following, how we make money, etc) so we shared all of the details about how we began a journal, grew our traffic, and turned it into a full time job.